21 Apr Freedom…Regardless of Age!
Don’t we all remember that day? I actually even remember what I was wearing: a very cool red blazer with 5 inch lapels. I know exactly where I was standing when the lady took my picture with an old fashioned camera and handed over my laminated card to “virtual freedom.” It was October 24th, 1978. I was 16 years old and legally free to drive. Never mind, I was driving around the neighborhood for months prior to that to visit a boyfriend when my parents were too busy getting divorced to notice. But now on this glorious Autumn afternoon I was 16. I am still not sure how I passed the test because at 50 I still can’t parallel park. But miracle of miracles, I did not knock over an orange cone or hit a pedestrian. I was free to go. I was free to go wherever my brother’s old red Cutlass would take me. There were no cell phones, no crazy tracking devices and curfews were negotiable. The road was mine!
Fast forward 35 years, and here I sit at another BMV waiting for my son who is 16 years old today. I have sat in this same chair three times before waiting for my then 16 year-old daughters not to knock over a cone or run a stop sign. But today is different. This time will be my last time at the good ol’ testing station. My only son, the last of four, is now sitting in front of the blue curtain as the computer, not a camera, snaps his picture to freedom. I honestly can’t recall seeing a happier face. But I am suddenly struck with the feeling that I am out of a job! For nearly 20 years I have driven to school every morning, spent countless hours in carpool line and have bitched and moaned about driving to soccer fields in cities that I have never heard of. I have “schlepped” at all hours of the night to friends’ houses in faraway places. Not only have I often said that my car is my office, but also my second home. It is a car that has always been filled with extra blankets and smelly socks. More than that, it is a car that has always been filled with kids, noise, the latest high school gossip and rap music that I just don’t understand. It’s been the place where my kids and I catch up on our day. It has always been filled with something or someone.
But today we have turned a new page, another new chapter so to speak. Tomorrow I will not have to worry about who might see me driving to school in my pajamas: It always seems to be the principal! Tomorrow I will not be driving to school. Yes, the feeling is bittersweet, but it’s also a new freedom for me. The freedoms that we often talk about as our children take another step and move to their very own next chapter.
Tonight I am reminded of this new 50 year old sense of freedom. I am having a 16th birthday party for my son …nothing fancy…just 20 of his best longtime friends and family for dinner at home. As I have mentioned before, I love a party…the planning, the details, and the perfection of it all (something I definitely got from my mother). It’s the Type A, detailed, organized part of me that frankly my children find annoying. Mess and chaos is good to a point, but tonight I have decided to part ways with myself, the overly controlled party giver. I am feeling free too! I bought 20 different colors of paint, brushes and drop cloths (only free to a point) and let 20 kids paint the basement wall. Even my 77 year old father got on a ladder! A blank white wall became a mural of color and graffiti and words that I would simply not choose. Several kids even said to me, “Mrs. Cohen we can paint directly on the wall… whatever we want? My mom would never let me do that.”
But in that moment I too felt like the road was indeed mine. Of course, I realize it is only a painted wall. But for me, it was about letting go and realizing that freedom has no age. It was the first time I can honestly remember that I simply didn’t care that the white wall wasn’t Windex clean. In a strange inexplicable way I was old enough to just let it go! I got my own driver’s license without rules or permission. Being 50 and free is pretty fabulous.
Let me just say, my three daughters, who are away from home, saw the graffiti wall on Facebook and were shocked beyond belief that I let a bunch of 16 year-olds do whatever the hell they wanted. Perhaps they think I have lost my mind, or better yet…that I found happiness beyond my comfort zone.
Let me also add, if I ever sell my house I am taking the wall with me! It was my way of smiling for the computer in front of the blue curtain, and being given my own drivers license at 50. I’ve got freedom too!
Happy 50th and Happy 16th. Age is just a number.
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