Journey to My Next Best Life–Why Midlife Does Not Mean “No Life”

Let me just say I am happy to turn the page, buy a brand new 2013 calendar and even stare happily at what seems like blank pages ahead. It was one hell of a year…2012! I watched my mother die at the age of 74, sent my third and last daughter off to college, turned 50, and understood the real meaning of divorced, middle-aged single mother of four. I have cursed Oprah so many times this year for her monologues on “ah-hah” moments. She swears everyone has one.  But, I waited and waited and watched the calendar pages turn month after month. Guess what? There was no actual “ah-hah” moment! But as I look at the New Year ahead I think the “ah-hah” moment is realizing it is not necessarily about the one moment. Maybe it’s about linking the moments together that define us…making us braver, smarter and better than ever at 50! (Though still not sure it’s the new 30). Actually I think it’s so much better!

Getting to 50 has seemed like quite a journey, especially the past 5 years. I am certainly entering this “third chapter” with a clearer vision and valuable lessons learned. What I have found most amazing is how many of “us” there are…women like you and me who jumped off the career path to do equally amazing work of being the “do it all” mom. But here we are today wondering where do we go from here ? My house is suddenly empty and quiet and the stillness seems unsettling.  It also seems like the best time to uncover what is next for us “50 somethings.” I will be posting this blog and hope you will share your comments and stories and thoughts and ideas as we figure out what is next and where do we go from here! The possibilities seem both daunting and awesome.

Let me introduce myself: I’m Lauren Chesley Cohen. I was raised in Cincinnati, graduated from Walnut Hills High School and then Boston University with a major in Broadcast Journalism. I had dreams and visions of being the next Barbara Walters or Jane Pauley. Yes, they were on the “Today Show” back in the 80’s! I would live on the Upper West Side in New York in an apartment like Mary from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”  Rhoda might even be my neighbor and Phyllis down the hall! I was obviously in my 20’s and the possibilities seemed limitless.

However, it turned out Jane Pauley wasn’t leaving her chair on the Today Show to me and I found myself back in Cincinnati. After all, it was home and I had a job in the newsroom at Channel 5 and a real paycheck and a place to eat a home cooked meal on Sunday nights.  I worked hard, crazy hours, and eventually earned a spot as a news reporter. Yes, I was the one standing on the side of the highway in the rain talking about the snow that wasn’t really coming but it MIGHT shut down the city for days. This was long before reliable weather radar and Accuweather.  It turned out that I was so good at standing on the highway and covering local murders and fires that I soon became the morning and noon anchor and then the weekend news anchor.  For Cincinnatians….you might remember the days of Jerry, Norma, Pat and Ken. We were number one in the ratings.

But then love got in there, and just after my 25^th birthday I was married and soon after that pregnant with my first daughter. Even in my 20’s I knew it was so hard to have it all….career, marriage, children and all the “stuff” that comes with that.  I couldn’t manage to figure out how Jane Pauley pulled it off…so I did the next best thing and quit my job. I told myself I would go back one day, but for now I wanted to be home. I was lucky enough to have a choice and I am forever grateful. For me,  there has been no greater love than the love of my children.

Before long I was pregnant again….and again and again. If you’re counting…I now have 4 children and honestly my 30’s are a blur. It’s a fuzzy and beautiful hectic vision of raising children and raising a marriage.

Guess what though? Kids grow up and so do marriages. My 40’s found me looking “busy” and looking “happy.”  Where was Jane Pauley when I needed her now? Unlike Jane, my marriage fell apart shortly before my first daughter went off to college. Psychiatrists say it’s common, the 20 year mark of a marriage seems to be the “break it or make it” moment.  Who knew I fit so perfectly into the statistics of divorce?  Was there anything in there about curling up in a ball in your pajamas and wearing UGG slippers 24/7 as you mourn the loss? Probably not… but that’s what makes us move on as we become stronger and braver and capable of “stuff” we never thought possible.  I can even fix things now.

And in a nutshell that brings me to my crisp new 2013 calendar. I went for the, “day on a page” version. I’m an optimist! And yes, the pages are waiting to be filled in. But for the first time in a long time I believe the possibilities are endless. I will wait for the “ah-hah” moment like Oprah (she never figured out how to have a career, marriage and kids) instructed me to do.  But I think the “ah-hah” moment is right here and right now knowing that at 50 I am allowed to be anything I want.  I’m a grown up now!