She Would Be 75

She Would Be 75

Mom and Lauren

I got sick this week. I mean really sick with fever and chills and an unbearable headache. I tried to rally and get to meetings, appointments, soccer fields and carpool line on time. I pride myself on never getting sick. I have no idea why I couldn’t just crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my aching head and call in “sick.” We need to allow ourselves this luxury of being able to “check-out” and know that the earth will still spin and our children will still eat dinner.  I have never been very good at this, and especially this week. Why did this bout of flu, that everyone gets, have me feeling so down and out? I obviously miss my three daughters (they are much better nurses than a 15 year old son). But then it dawned on me like one of those “Oprah Ah-Hah Moments”, I couldn’t call my mom.  I just needed someone to allow me to dwell in my self-pity of feeling all alone. She might or might not have run over with chicken soup. At the very least she would pick up the phone on the second ring and say “What’s the matter with you?” There is simply no replacement for a mother.

I know in my last two blog entries I have referred to my mom. She died July 31st of pancreatic cancer. She hated being sick. She hated doctors and forms and being kept on hold. She hated knowing that she had cancer. In fact she used to call it “this thing with my stomach.” More than anything, she hated knowing that she might not be here forever.  Simply put, she loved life and the everyday of living it!

This week would have been her 75th birthday. This was going to be a milestone year. I was turning 50, my mom would turn 75, and my second daughter would turn 21. Three generations of strong, independent women. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that I am the one to pass it on now. It is up to me to make sure my children understand the powerful and invaluable life lessons that my mom left behind. It is an indelible mark on all of us.  It seems fitting that as am I trying to figure out “what’s next” in my own journey post 50 that I look to my mom for inspiration and the best lessons ever taught. She might not have thought I was paying attention but I was, and I am following her lead.

Like me, my mom loved lists…grocery lists…to do lists…Christmas lists… Anything she wanted to remember was always on a list. I leave you this week in honor of her birthday with the “LIST” of My Moms Best Lessons:

  1. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be who you are. I think she coined the phrase “I am who I am and if you don’t like it…too bad!”
  2. Be Happy. It sounds trite, but she meant it. Do what makes you happy. She walked away from an unhappy marriage in 1978 at 40 years old. Talk about re-inventing yourself and finding happiness long before those words were considered “chic.”  She was happily remarried for 25 years.
  3. Be strong. Be courageous. Don’t be afraid to fail. She always said “What’s the worst that can happen?”
  4. Get involved. She was an amazing community leader, volunteer and started her own Event Planning business at age 50.
  5. Entertain, Cook, Entertain, And Celebrate. She loved every holiday, birthday or any reason to throw a party…usually with a theme. Her recipes and flair for entertaining will be cherished for generations to come.
  6. Wear lipstick. If you look good…you will feel good.
  7. Don’t complain. Whining is so annoying.
  8. Real friends matter. Phony ones come and go.
  9. Be creative. She could make anything given a hot glue gun, modge podge or paint. One day she re-wallpapered an entire room while I was at school in the fifth grade. I came home and stripes had become flowers!
  10. By far the greatest lesson: there is no greater joy than the love of your children and grandchildren. I am so sorry she will miss so many of their milestones…but she is watching. She hated missing anything.

Happy Birthday Mom. I hope you know I was paying attention.

Lauren
Chesley@interculturaltalk.com

Unapologetically You Post-50. Reinvention, Lifestyle, Relationships.

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